Hearing God's Voice at the Fork in the Road

As a youth minister, typically youth seek me out the most when they need help making a big decision such as...

Should I date him/her?
Should I come out and admit I am gay?
Should I live with my mom or dad?
Should I break up with him/her?
What college should I go to?
Should I get baptized?
Should I be friends with so and so still?

Sometimes I question why it is that it takes a crisis to get youth to reach out to me. Yet, I realized I love them so much I am just delighted whenever they want to talk to me!  I think this is how God feels when I constantly go to Him in need. I used to feel guilty when I mostly talked to God only when I had a crisis. Now, I believe God is so thrilled when I admit I need Him, that as a parent He waits for me with open arms.

My initial response to students is the desire to fix their pain and give them the right answer even if I don't know what that is. I have learned the best thing to is to LISTEN first, and then help teach them to LISTEN to God's voice in any way that they can.

When I was faced with the hardest decision of my life, it was tough to follow my own advice in simply seeking God's voice. This is especially true when our emotions are so wrapped up in decisions regarding relationships. I had wrestled for over a year whether I should quit my job as a youth minister or not. There were times I was completely convinced God was calling me to stay and other moments I was convinced He was calling me to leave. I was at a fork in the road and could not figure out which way God wanted me to go.

So here's what I did.

I tried logic. If God called me into ministry at this church than He wouldn't want me to leave right?

I made a list of pros and cons. However, this list changed depending on how the day went.

I consulted the wisdom of others. I experienced varying opinions at different times.

I gave God an ultimatum. I told God I would stay but if He wanted me to quit then He would have to throw another job in my lap.

I waited for God to write it in the sky. I just continued living my life moving forward and figured God would just make it obvious in His time.

I journaled. Sometimes when I write I am able to come to a revelation through the writing process. Again, I just went back and forth on the matter.

I cried. I pleaded with God to take away my feelings of hurt and frustration so I could just focus on my job to help point students towards Christ. Yet, I couldn't seem to get over the drama weighing me down.

I blamed Satan. I can't tell you how many journal entries I wrote where I was completely convinced that Satan wanted me to leave so students wouldn't know Christ. These entries are embarrassing because truth is... God doesn't need me to do jack squat for His Kingdom and God is more powerful than me.

I stood still. I got really depressed because I felt lost. So I just stopped trying to figure out God's will all together and didn't make a move in any direction. I just wallowed in my own pity for a while.

Finally, I climbed a mountain. OK, in reality it was just a steep hill. I decided that God spoke to Moses and Elijah on a mountain so then maybe He would talk to me. I didn't have a mountain though so I climbed up the steepest hill I could find. When I reached the top I prayed, "God, I am so tired of all this confusion and wrestling. Just hold me for a minute. I just want you and that's all." And that's when I heard in a still small voice in my mind, "It's time to step away."

I opened my eyes in shock. What?! I was not expecting to hear God speak. I figured it must just be my own mind. So I closed my eyes and tried to embrace another moment with God.

"It's time to step away. Sam, it's time to step away. It is time." This kept repeating in my head over and over again.

I started to wrestle and question. "Are you sure God? So many people will be hurt? I don't have another job and I can't do that to my family. Why would you be calling me to step away?

Again I just kept hearing "It's time to step away."

That day I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make and I quit my job. I poured my heart into that church for 5 years. It has become my family. Several people didn't understand this decision. I myself didn't understand what the heck God was doing especially because I didn't have another job yet to provide income for my family. However, God was calling me to take a MAJOR leap of faith.

After I jumped, God provided. Before I even got my last pay check at the church God opened up a nanny opportunity for me to pay the bills and to be with my son until my husband graduates. It's not a life long career plan for me but it's a current gift from God.

I was at a major fork in the road.  Many people say I made the right decision because they can physically see the peace in my life. Peace is a strange concept. Having peace doesn't mean there isn't pain. My heart still aches for several reasons. So was it the right decision? Having peace in my heart is not confirmation I made the right decision. I feel confirmed in my decision because I know Christ Immanuel is with me. I have peace because in the unknowns of my future God is there. My peace comes from knowing that I am not in control.

Are you at a fork in the road and need to hear God's voice ?

Do not fret, but do wrestle. Enjoy being in the presence of God during the struggle because He delights being in your presence. Perhaps your confusion and frustration is what is drawing you near to God in the first place.

Submit your will.  Stop trying to control your situation and let God be in charge.

Ask. Simply ask God which direction to go and keep asking.

Listen. Sometimes God likes to speak when we least expect it and He often likes to use situations and experiences around us.

Climb a mountain. Put yourself in a place where you can seek God out and be in His presence just for the sake of wanting to be close to God. Pray without expectations.


Have peace even in the struggle because you are not alone. Christ Immanuel is with you.