From Arrogant Pride to LGBTQ Pride - A Transformation Story

There is no better time than pride month to talk about my own transformation story surrounding those in LGBTQ community.  But what's a transformation story without showing the hideous before picture when I once thought I knew everything. So embarrassing!

Once upon a time in elementary school, if anyone did anything I didn't like, the first thing I called them was "gay".  In fact anything at all that I hated or thought was dumb was labeled, "gay". My stomach turns over again and again as I now realize how damaging this was for those who actually were gay.

Once a upon a time in high school I wrote a paper on why homosexual couples shouldn't be allowed to adopt. I still have this paper and now I want nothing more than to burn the evidence. Yet, I am holding onto it as a reminder that if someone as opinionated and stubborn as myself can change there is hope for others.

Once upon a time in college, I was royally ticked off when I found out there was someone who I suspected was lesbian was being placed in a ministry position. I even went to those in charge and heavily questioned them and their knowledge of scripture.

Once upon a time as a young adult I finally decided that homosexuality wasn't a choice so it was perfectly OK to be that way. Well, as long as nobody acted on it or tried to be in leadership positions in the Church. My heart may have been softening, but I continue to learn how this opinion is still degrading.

To all those I have ever hurt or offended in the LGBTQ community I am so incredibly sorry for the things mentioned above and for the other things I did or said that I don't remember. I am sorry if I ever became a stumbling block in your life. I am so sorry for making you feel like less of a human being. I am sorry for my attitude of pride and self-righteousness. I deeply apologize for the hurt that I have caused or for times I was silent when you needed my voice.  From the absolute bottom of my heart, I deeply and profoundly apologize. I know better now. Please forgive me. 

Obviously, my transformation didn't happen overnight. It was gradual process. Here's a look at what brought change in my heart.

1)The Arts.  In college I went to a play called 7 Passages. It was a remarkably moving experience, and the first time I actually sat and listened to real stories of those in the LGBTQ community. This play was the first step in drastically changing my heart. http://blog.mlive.com/grpress/2008/07/seven_passages_play_about_gay.html

2) Relationships. I had several friends come out to me and I began to listen to their hearts and stories. These friends were amazing God-loving people who shattered my original image of what it meant to be LGBTQ.

3) Studying Scripture. I started to interpret and read scripture with a different lens as I learned how to do exegesis at a pretty awesome Christian college.  This journey continued into seminary for me as many professors reshaped my view of the Bible and how to study it.

4) Being a Woman.  I never felt like I fit into a typical female role. I felt like an outsider because I preferred stereotypical masculine activities. I often felt like less of a woman because of this. This isn't anything compared to what my LGBTQ friends go through, but it helped me be more empathetic. Also, as a woman people have used the Bible to discourage me from leadership positions especially when it comes to preaching and teaching. Not to mention, many Christians want me to fit into some Biblical marriage model  that doesn't make sense to who I know God to be.  They say I am supposedly equal with my husband but at the end of the day, he's the spiritual leader who should call the shots.  It's Biblical they say... but everything in me and my understanding of who God is, says an egalitarian marriage is the healthiest for us.  So what about my LGBTQ friends who are told they are accepted, but they just can't fully be part of the church by leading? Or what about my LGBTQ friends who are told they are equal, but aren't allowed to love in a romantic relationship? It says they are less than others. Not truly equal.

6) Heterosexual Hypocrites. I could not understand for the life of me why Christians were so eager to call out those in LGBT community as sinful, but when it comes to sexual sins of heterosexuals we look the other way. Christians are quick to say gay people can't be in leadership positions in the church, but how many people in leadership are held accountable for their heterosexual sins? Not to mention if a Pastor comes out as lesbian she's most likely going to get fired. If a heterosexual Pastor is sexually harassing or abusing his sins are likely to be downplayed or even covered up by the church especially if he's a high profile big church Pastor. This hypocritical behavior really challenged my thought process.

5) The Gospels. There are many things in the Bible that boggle my mind and frustrate me. Yet, the more I dive into the gospels, the stories of Jesus Christ, the more my heart is transformed. If there is anything to learn from Jesus, it's that Jesus's main message was to love God and love others. Jesus specifically reached out to those considered outsiders. He turned religious leader's assumptions of scripture upside-down! Just when people thought they understood, he surprised them over and over again with who God includes into the Kingdom. The more I read the stories of Jesus in the Bible, the more I am awakened to how incredibly inclusive the Son of God is.

 LGBTQ Community, I am with you. I love you. I support you. I will not be silent. I affirm you're right to be in a relationship as an equal member of society. I believe whole heartedly that you are wonderfully created as a holy and beloved child of God.

And to those who disagree, I know that even though you disagree doesn't mean you are not loving or compassionate people or less of a Christian. This is just my own personal story of how God has slowly transformed my heart from arrogant pride to LGBTQ pride. I could be wrong or misled about all of this. But when it comes to who I know Jesus Christ to be, if I am going to error,  it will be on the side of inclusion.