Be Miserably Happy- The Best Marriage Advice

I spent most of the dinner talking my friend's ear off about how frustrated I was with my husband. I explained to her how tensions were skyrocketed in our house and communication breakdowns were ruining my marriage. Towards the end of the meal the waitress gave us a fortune cookie. Mine ironically said, "We are very happy together." I thought it was a joke! So I just lost it with laughter and put my head down on the table while other customers probably wondered if I escaped from the mental hospital. Yet, the more I  reflected on that phrase the more I started to realize that even in our current misery we are happy together. 

Here is a snap shot of our current misery. Our household contains an insane amount of stress. My husband has the finish line just around the corner (we hope) for earning his PhD in neuroscience, but he is still waiting for a final publishing before starting his dissertation. I am half way through my second pregnancy. More money is going out than coming in. We are moving to Michigan this summer for my husband to start a new job, and we are contemplating buying a house. This may sound exciting to some, but anyone who has ever been in grad school, bought a house, had financial stress, had a baby, or started a new job, knows the amount of stress just one of those transitions can amount to. There are many unknowns with all these transitions which makes it difficult to plan for the future.  

Through all the stress and arguing our marriage has become wounded lately. I know we are in need of repair that will take some time.
So I wondered if this fortune cookie was some kind of joke. Clearly there hasn't been that much happiness in our house lately. However, I couldn't stop thinking about the fortune. I realized it didn't say, "We will be happy, or we were happy." It obviously expressed, "We ARE happy." I wish I could say I was enlightened by a verse in the Bible, but on this day God used a fortune cookie to get my attention.

I realized what surprises me the most through all the frustration of marriage is...

I still really enjoy doing life with my husband. 

Even though we have junk to work through, I still find myself longing to spend time with him. I still want to go through all this hurt with him so we can heal. I realized our happiness shines through the every day little things that happen called life. I love going to the grocery store with him and laughing at our son together. I love joking around in only ways that he would understand. I love sending him pictures or texts through out the day. I love that I can share anything with him no matter how pointless and he still seems genuinely interested. I love when we can play Hungry Hungry Hippos with our son for an hour and laugh the whole time. I love when he calls me on his way home from work and even though he is going to be home soon, we will still talk for forty-five minutes. I love that even though we are hurting, we can still have deep and honest discussions. I love that although we are in need of healing, our marriage is still a happy one even in our misery.

Many newly engaged couples have asked me for marriage advice. I think my best advice is this... Be miserably happy with one another. Find moments of joy even in your misery. Also, don't let fortune cookies be your marriage guide for life... but it's OK once and a while I suppose.