What I Learned About Marriage from my Big Brother

Here is the Wedding Message I gave during my brother's wedding Oct 22, 2011... 


I have only lived with my brother for 16 years. And today Wendy you are committing the rest of your life to Jason! Now that I have been married for 3 years myself, as I reflect on the 16 years of living with my brother I realized that God had used Jason to prepare me for my own marriage. I learned 3 key important ingredients that have helped me in my own marriage and I hope will help you in yours as well.

INGREDIENT # 1 -  Open Communication

Thanks to Jason, I learned in my own marriage that it’s somewhat healthy to wear your emotions on your sleeve. My brother and I always spoke freely with very honest feedback about how we were feeling. Even though it could be hurtful at times I could always trust with Jason that there were no surprises since communication was so open. For example; even though we disagreed in high school and had very different lifestyles; there’s a part of me that always wanted to be like him. When he played baseball, I played baseball. When he went out with friends I wanted to go too. When he was in T.V studio I wanted to be in T.V studio. Sometimes this went too far and I even dressed like him. One morning on our way out the door for school he asked me, “You are not seriously going to wear that are you?”. “No, I haven’t had time to change yet.” I lied. Even though he made me cry when he threatened to sign me up for the show What Not to Wear he also helped me pick out new girl clothes and taught me I need to be proud of being a girl. I am thankful for open and honest communication. I trust that will be a key strength in your marriage.

INGREDIENT #2 – Perseverance

Hard times will either rip your marriage a part or make it stronger. You will need perseverance in marriage to get through your own personal problems as a couple as well as the many curve balls life will throw at you. Speaking of curve balls, did you know whenever Jason and I played catch if I ever whined or told him to slow down his response was “You want to better don’t you?” He never let up and I know this taught me perseverance which led me to an amazing softball career in college. Or how about when he would beat me at Nintendo every single game over and over again and when I cried for mercy he would say… “You want to get better don’t you?” I always thought I was terrible at Nintendo but whenever I played at friend’s house I dominated everyone… thanks to Jason.  I had no idea how much Jason’s tough love has shaped me today to be a wife who perseveres and is determined to make it through anything. Jason and Wendy I pray God will give you strength to persevere through all difficult hardships in your future. I pray that you will embrace these hardships and stand strong together as a couple… after all you want to continue to get better, don’t you?

INGREDIENT #3- Forgiveness

The last and most important ingredient to a great marriage is forgiveness. You will at some point hurt one another deeply. True intimacy in every good relationship comes with pain. It is bound to happen when you are in an intimate deep relationship and in your humanness it is inevitable you will say something stupid and mean.

 Since we only had each other as siblings, often this meant we were each other’s closest allies. We went through the same pain with difficult family situations and many times we only had each other. We would confess stuff to one another which was also a healthy practice for marriage later in life. However, there were always the times when we fought and fought and fought some more. We were and still are incredibly different which caused a lot of arguing. However, even if we never agreed eventually we let go of grudges because at the end of the day we knew we were family and family forgives loving unconditionally.  

 Jason and Wendy may you reflect Christ to each other by loving unconditionally through forgiveness.

Wendy and Jason you are one family now. You are partners, team-mates, and soul mates.

This concept of partnership and relationship is beautifully described in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. 

 ⁹ Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ¹¹ Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ¹² A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

In this sense God created us to be in partnership with others around us. And there is no better example of one of God’s most Holy and sacred partnerships than marriage. Jason and Wendy you are entering into the most intimate partnership that we have on this earth. One of God’s greatest gifts is the gift of one another. God created us to live in relationship with not just Himself, but in relationship with other human beings. He could have created us for Himself, but as a God who understands relationship He designed us to live in community with one another. Just as we were never truly alone, God was never ever alone.  Living in relationship has always existed. Before the beginning of time, Jesus has always sat at the right hand of God the Father and both the Lord and Jesus live in partnership with the Holy Spirit. (Cord of 3)

Today you are more than partners. Today you are choosing to sow your lives together into one. Today God weaves your hearts and souls in unity as one. Today you have chosen to promise to love one another forever. I am not talking about the kind of love when people write initials in a tree plus little heart = love forever. For today you are choosing to love deeper than all this stuff, you are choosing to love each other as God loves you. Unconditionally.  Through marriage you are promising to do everything you can to reflect Christ to one another. This is what will truly help you succeed. It is Godly love that will help you when you both run into trouble.  There is no kind of love that is more powerful than the forgiving love we have received through Jesus Christ. This type of love will get you through the hardest times and will help you stand strong when you are attacked. But it is essential that you both stand together as partners and rely on God to be your ultimate strength. The two of you are an awesome team who are not going to easily be defeated, but with God you strength is even greater for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Love each other always with open communication, perseverance, and forgiveness. May your marriage be blessed and may you both find true peace and love through your Lord who loves you unconditionally.