FAIL BIG!

Most teenagers I talk with describe their life to me as if they live in a pressure cooker feeling pressure from all angles in their life to succeed. They tell me they are in activities they don't even care for because their parents tell them it will look good on their college application letter. Students burn themselves out before they even get to college. Why? So that they can succeed! These kids are so overwhelmed by all these activities they often forget to just stop and enjoy life. Often I ask, "Where do you feel the most pressure from?" The answer is always the same... Parents. Isn't that what parents are suppose to do? They are suppose to give every opportunity they can to help their kid succeed! Isn't that the most important thing in life? Some parents say, "No, I just want my kid to be happy." Or "No, I just want my kid to feel loved." I wonder how many teens are truly happy or truly feel deeply loved. When I ask students, "When do you feel loved?" I find it funny how their answer is usually something like..."When I do well on a test or in a game and I make my parents proud." Seems to me most students feel like they have to earn love. No wonder they are trying so hard to earn God's love and have a hard time understanding the concept of grace.

Why as a parent do we tend to put so much pressure on kids? I believe it has to do with fear. I think many parents are terrified of their kids making mistakes and getting hurt. I think parents are also afraid if their kid fails it will be a poor reflection on their parenting. So what if they fail? Well, I certainly hope they do. I hope they fail big. Here's what I mean...

Sara Blakely is the world's first self-made female billionaire. She is the creator and founder of Spanx, shape-wear. She is beyond successful! She has made it to the very top! How? It started with some lesson's from her dad... "Sara’s beloved father followed Wayne Dyer’s guidance in teaching his children the power of failing big.  Each day, her father would ask – “So, what did you fail at today.” And if there were no failures, Dad would be disappointed.  Focusing on failing big allowed Sara to understand that failure is not an outcome, but involves a lack of trying — not stretching yourself far enough out of your comfort zone and attempting to be more than you were the day before.   Failing big was a good thing." - Forbes Magazine

Can you imagine what family dinner discussions would look like if every parent asked this question? Personally, I have learned so much from my mistakes and failures that I don't have too many regrets. Yes, I have done dumb things but I learned so much from them! This is how we learn and grow. Failure can lead to destruction if our pride lets us try and hide it. However, failure can lead to great success if we embrace it and learn from it. I can hardly imagine what the world would be like if we were not so afraid to fail. I wonder what our kid's lives would like if we stepped back and let them fail. Instead of trying to set them up for wins, what if we let them fall and helped them process their failures instead. Can you imagine the freedom they might feel? Freedom to try new things, freedom to know they are loved no matter what, and freedom to forgive themselves when they do fail.

Time to let go of all fears and trust God with our kid's lives. This doesn't mean He won't let them fail, but it means we must trust He will pick up the pieces when they do. Our job as parents is to let go of control by allowing freedom for our kids to fail big. 

PS... Special shout out and thanks to my Mom and Dad who never pressured me to have to succeed. You always encouraged me to try my best and you truly meant it. When I did fail you usually told me not to be so hard and myself and to just work hard to do it better next time.  Reflecting back I was a pretty happy kid because you gave me the space to do what I loved and encouraged me along the way. You truly just let me enjoy life and I was a pretty happy kid! I didn't get a full-ride to college but I knew my value and worth was not based off of how I succeeded. You loved me because I was your kid. That is how God loves us. This created a confidence in me to want to succeed. THANKS!

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