Target Tantrum

I confess I was THAT Mom today with the screaming kid in Target who was having a tantrum! Before my child rearing days, (when I thought I was going to be the best parent ever) I used to look at those parents with judging eyes. I assumed those kids screaming in Target were the ones who were very spoiled by their rotten parents. Oh how little I knew.

In my attempts to be the best parent ever, I decided to teach my four year old about the "true spirit of Christmas"  by showing him the importance of giving to the poor.

I did everything I could to prepare him. I don't normally buy my son a toy every time I am out shopping but since his Birthday was last month we had fun Birthday shopping with money he received from family. I guess he got too used to the idea of shopping for himself. Keeping this in mind, I told my son today we wouldn't be shopping for him and we needed to shop for others. In fact, I explained how today was special because we were shopping for some poor families who didn't have toys or many things to keep them healthy and warm for winter. He seemed to understand.

"I get it. We get to be like super heroes and save the day!" He said.

"Sure. Something like that. We do get to help others like super heroes do." I responded.

Thinking we were on the same page, I daringly entered into the doors of Target. About half way through shopping my son asks with his eyes already welling up with tears, "Mom, where is my present? Where is the stuff for me?"

"I told you buddy, today is not about getting stuff we want. It's about shopping for others who really need our help." I said.

(REPEAT THIS CONVERSATION A BILLION TIMES GETTING LOUDER WITH EACH TIME)

Eventually, the questions turned into loud sobbing screams...

 "I DON'T WANT TO HELP THE POOR PEOPLE! I WANT SOMETHING FOR ME! WHERE IS MY PRESENT? YOU ARE HURTING MY FEELINGS! I DON'T WANT TO HELP THE POOR PEOPLE!"

I was pretty embarrassed. Feeling the weight of those same judging eyes gave me a sinking feeling. I couldn't help but wonder...What did I do wrong? Why doesn't my kid have compassion? How could he be so selfish? Honestly, I was really angry at myself and his attitude. 

While I was trying to make a quick get-away, I had a thought. My son isn't going to learn compassion by me showing that I am frustrated with his emotional response. Instead of being disappointed, I decided to teach compassion by modeling it. As he was bawling his eyes out in the big red cart, I took a moment to wrap my arms around him. I whispered in his ear, "It's OK to feel frustrated. I get it buddy. I  feel sad when I don't get things I want too. But I am so glad you are willing to go through this disappointment to help other people today." 

I would love to tell you that was the key formula to fix everything. However, he continued to cry and say "I don't want to help the poor people!" while I tried to stuff him in his car seat.  I don't know if it taught him anything, but it sure softened my heart toward him.

Unpacking my grocery bags at home, my son still  was whining about how he didn't get anything. I started feeling discouraged. I finally asked a question trying to  change the subject. "How do you want to help the world when you grow up?" 

His response completely blew me out of the water...

"I want to go to Syria and tell the bad people to stop being bad." 

We prayed about the situation in Syria a while ago in the most kid friendly explanation I could give. Perhaps the type of compassion God is forming in my son's heart is more along the lines of compassion through justice. Maybe, God will use my son's stubborn and strong-willed personality for some type of redemptive purpose. This is my prayer!

Meanwhile, I continue to ask the question... How do I teach compassion to a four year old? I guess the best way is to be compassionate toward him even in the most challenging moments.