Dear Job,
Your story started out as a testing of your faith. James 1:2-4 says..."Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I believe this is the reason for my story too. A test of faith.
What does that mean? How do you know when you pass? What does it mean to really keep the faith? Did you consider it pure joy when your whole life went to hell?! Did it feel like God was helping your faith mature when your own wife and friends told you to curse God and die? Job, how did it feel when one crappy thing in your life kept happening after another? Did you have times of hope during those times and then BAM another horrible thing would happen?" Did you believe you would be blessed in the end? What kept you strong? Dear Job... what was it like?!
Were you surprised when after you experienced a long time of suffering God showed up in the end? Or was your faith so strong you knew He would? Why is it when I ask God to show up and He actually does make Himself known I am surprised? Lately, God has been completely knocking my socks off with His presence and it catches me off guard each time! I don't know why it surprises me because everything I know about God says He is a provider and He cares for us. Yet, if I wholeheartedly believed that than maybe I wouldn't be so surprised.
I was surprised when I heard in seminary that Job was the first book in the Bible ever written. I think that says something about the need of humanity to understand suffering. One of the greatest questions to ask is if God is a good God than why is there suffering? Job, I think your story speaks to this question. I don't think many people's stories are as intense as yours. But I do believe everyone has or will face hardship in their life and their story will have some parallels to yours. For me, my Job story is what I have been dealing with the past 3 months. These months have been the hardest of my life.
As bizarre as this may seem, my hardships all start and end with blood.
The first hardship was recovering from an unplanned C-section because my baby's heart rate kept dropping. He was sitting on the umbilical cord not getting enough blood. Back in the day he may have died but thanks to good doctors I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy! Blood gives life!
The second hardship came from having the worst Ulcerative Colitis flare up of my life. I will let you Google it if you want to know more. Losing all that blood and going through that much pain made me insanely sick and weak. Trying to fight through this disease while recovering from a C-section and having a newborn baby seemed to be more than I could handle. This battle went on for a few months and my medicine just didn't seem to be working. It finally took an episode of filling up the toilet with too much blood and hearing God say... "Just be brave and go the hospital" for me to finally go. I wasn't dying, but felt like I was losing who I was because blood gives energy and life. I even looked different as my face was ghost like and my eyes were sunken in. Laying in the hospital bed, I remember watching someone's blood go into my arm. Someone who I didn't even know donated blood to help give life for someone they didn't even know. When I went to brush my teeth that night as I looked up in the mirror and almost didn't recognize myself. I had rosy cheeks again and I looked like my old self which I hadn't seen in months. "Hello me!" I said out loud and literally laughed out loud. The nurses probably thought I was crazy, but they of all people should know blood gives life!
The third hardship was when I found out a few weeks after getting out of the hospital was that my biological father had passed away. He died from alcohol-induced cirrhosis of the liver which caused esophageal hemorrhage meaning he bled out through his esophagus. Blood gives life and the loss of blood results in a loss of life. One of the hardest parts of dealing with my dad's death was when I went back to Michigan to help my brother and my mom clean up his house and take care of his stuff. I read through some things he wrote that were heart-breaking. He did try to get some help for his addiction but I am afraid it was too late. At least he did something at one point and he at least had some people to talk to about it in the last years of his life. As I helped take care of his things last weekend, I saw my own father's blood stains on stuff and tried not to cry as I imagined what the last few months of his life looked like.
Everyone says not to have regrets. But I can't help but wonder if there was more I should have done to reach out to him, if only I had called more, if only I had tried harder to have a relationship, if only I told him a long time ago to get help, if only...
Then I remembered the last conversation I had with him a day before he died. I did most of the talking because he hardly ever had much to say about his own life or was willing to let me know what was going on. He asked a lot of questions about my life and about his new grandson, Desmond. We chatted for a while which was unusual. Then Desmond started crying and I had to go. Right before I got off the phone his last words were take care Sam. And I remember hearing in my head... "Say I love you! This is your last chance." I remember praying back silently... "I haven't said that since I was a kid and I don't want to... I feel awkward saying that." I heard back... "Just say it!" So I said, "Bye dad. I love you." Then I hung up the phone fast and started bawling. I didn't know he was going to die but looking back it was obvious God prepared me. I am thankful for this last conversation. This is only a small picture of a way I experienced God's redemption. I believe my dad's redemption is even bigger. When I look down at this picture I have an image in my brain with the word REDEEMED across it. Do you see it? I could photo shop it in but I want you to see it in your mind like I saw it in mine. I believe this was the way God spoke to me. I wish God would just speak clearly and direct like He did with you Job. But He reveals Himself in different ways and this is how He chose to let me know not only am I redeemed but my dad is redeemed too.
And this is how my story ends with blood...
Redemption is about being set free because our sins are paid for with Christ's blood. In Christ we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7). I truly believe my dad is experiencing the greatest redemption of all through the blood of Christ. Since Jesus said in John 6:53-54 “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day." Blood gives life and the loss of blood leads to death. However, the loss of Christ's blood gave life and salvation to us.
Christ's blood gives eternal life to everyone who loves Him no matter how deep their sin is or was. The loss of Jesus's blood gave life to us. We are redeemed! And this Job, is the joy talked about in James 1. You and I can have joy because ultimately we know that joy comes from having a God in our life who loves us more than we will ever possibly imagine.
I heard a question in a sermon the other day, "What does God think of you?". I knew the answers I was suppose to say... God loves me. God cares about me. But it isn't until we face deep trials that these core truths about our relationship with God are put to the test. However, God once again surprised me and showed up very loudly. Yesterday morning my son, Desmond, started fussing. I went over there to pick him up and just at the sight of him my heart was warmed and filled with an insane amount of joy. As his eyes met mine he gave me the biggest smile and let out a happy giggle delighted to be in my presence as well. Then I heard whispered in my ear from my heavenly the Father... "The way you delight in your son is just a small glimpse of how I delight in you. I love you even more than this! I look forward to each morning you wake up so that I may delight in you.That is how I think of you."
Job, I forget how much God delights in us! It's hard to remember that when it feels like He forgot or doesn't hear us in the middle of our troubles. These have been the hardest trials of my life so far and God has promised me joy. I don't know if there will be some big blessing in the end like in your story. God restored your fortunes twice as much as before, you lived a long life, and even got to have more children! I am not anticipating my ending to be quite like yours. But for now, God has given me so much joy every time I look into my son's eyes. I love him more than I could ever explain not because of anything he has done, but simply because he is my son. This reminds me God loves me. I am redeemed by his blood. I will get to be in His presence eternally with people I love. I am also redeemed in this world today which means I can live with joy and freedom even through life's crappiest situations.
So Job may we shout for joy over the Lord's victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God like in Psalms 20:5-6. My banner would say... "REDEMPTION". What would yours say?
Thank you Job for keeping the faith. Thank you for not giving up. And thanks for listening to my story!
Blessings,
Sam
What does that mean? How do you know when you pass? What does it mean to really keep the faith? Did you consider it pure joy when your whole life went to hell?! Did it feel like God was helping your faith mature when your own wife and friends told you to curse God and die? Job, how did it feel when one crappy thing in your life kept happening after another? Did you have times of hope during those times and then BAM another horrible thing would happen?" Did you believe you would be blessed in the end? What kept you strong? Dear Job... what was it like?!
Were you surprised when after you experienced a long time of suffering God showed up in the end? Or was your faith so strong you knew He would? Why is it when I ask God to show up and He actually does make Himself known I am surprised? Lately, God has been completely knocking my socks off with His presence and it catches me off guard each time! I don't know why it surprises me because everything I know about God says He is a provider and He cares for us. Yet, if I wholeheartedly believed that than maybe I wouldn't be so surprised.
I was surprised when I heard in seminary that Job was the first book in the Bible ever written. I think that says something about the need of humanity to understand suffering. One of the greatest questions to ask is if God is a good God than why is there suffering? Job, I think your story speaks to this question. I don't think many people's stories are as intense as yours. But I do believe everyone has or will face hardship in their life and their story will have some parallels to yours. For me, my Job story is what I have been dealing with the past 3 months. These months have been the hardest of my life.
As bizarre as this may seem, my hardships all start and end with blood.
The first hardship was recovering from an unplanned C-section because my baby's heart rate kept dropping. He was sitting on the umbilical cord not getting enough blood. Back in the day he may have died but thanks to good doctors I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy! Blood gives life!
The second hardship came from having the worst Ulcerative Colitis flare up of my life. I will let you Google it if you want to know more. Losing all that blood and going through that much pain made me insanely sick and weak. Trying to fight through this disease while recovering from a C-section and having a newborn baby seemed to be more than I could handle. This battle went on for a few months and my medicine just didn't seem to be working. It finally took an episode of filling up the toilet with too much blood and hearing God say... "Just be brave and go the hospital" for me to finally go. I wasn't dying, but felt like I was losing who I was because blood gives energy and life. I even looked different as my face was ghost like and my eyes were sunken in. Laying in the hospital bed, I remember watching someone's blood go into my arm. Someone who I didn't even know donated blood to help give life for someone they didn't even know. When I went to brush my teeth that night as I looked up in the mirror and almost didn't recognize myself. I had rosy cheeks again and I looked like my old self which I hadn't seen in months. "Hello me!" I said out loud and literally laughed out loud. The nurses probably thought I was crazy, but they of all people should know blood gives life!
The third hardship was when I found out a few weeks after getting out of the hospital was that my biological father had passed away. He died from alcohol-induced cirrhosis of the liver which caused esophageal hemorrhage meaning he bled out through his esophagus. Blood gives life and the loss of blood results in a loss of life. One of the hardest parts of dealing with my dad's death was when I went back to Michigan to help my brother and my mom clean up his house and take care of his stuff. I read through some things he wrote that were heart-breaking. He did try to get some help for his addiction but I am afraid it was too late. At least he did something at one point and he at least had some people to talk to about it in the last years of his life. As I helped take care of his things last weekend, I saw my own father's blood stains on stuff and tried not to cry as I imagined what the last few months of his life looked like.
Everyone says not to have regrets. But I can't help but wonder if there was more I should have done to reach out to him, if only I had called more, if only I had tried harder to have a relationship, if only I told him a long time ago to get help, if only...
Then I remembered the last conversation I had with him a day before he died. I did most of the talking because he hardly ever had much to say about his own life or was willing to let me know what was going on. He asked a lot of questions about my life and about his new grandson, Desmond. We chatted for a while which was unusual. Then Desmond started crying and I had to go. Right before I got off the phone his last words were take care Sam. And I remember hearing in my head... "Say I love you! This is your last chance." I remember praying back silently... "I haven't said that since I was a kid and I don't want to... I feel awkward saying that." I heard back... "Just say it!" So I said, "Bye dad. I love you." Then I hung up the phone fast and started bawling. I didn't know he was going to die but looking back it was obvious God prepared me. I am thankful for this last conversation. This is only a small picture of a way I experienced God's redemption. I believe my dad's redemption is even bigger. When I look down at this picture I have an image in my brain with the word REDEEMED across it. Do you see it? I could photo shop it in but I want you to see it in your mind like I saw it in mine. I believe this was the way God spoke to me. I wish God would just speak clearly and direct like He did with you Job. But He reveals Himself in different ways and this is how He chose to let me know not only am I redeemed but my dad is redeemed too.
And this is how my story ends with blood...
Redemption is about being set free because our sins are paid for with Christ's blood. In Christ we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7). I truly believe my dad is experiencing the greatest redemption of all through the blood of Christ. Since Jesus said in John 6:53-54 “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day." Blood gives life and the loss of blood leads to death. However, the loss of Christ's blood gave life and salvation to us.
Christ's blood gives eternal life to everyone who loves Him no matter how deep their sin is or was. The loss of Jesus's blood gave life to us. We are redeemed! And this Job, is the joy talked about in James 1. You and I can have joy because ultimately we know that joy comes from having a God in our life who loves us more than we will ever possibly imagine.
I heard a question in a sermon the other day, "What does God think of you?". I knew the answers I was suppose to say... God loves me. God cares about me. But it isn't until we face deep trials that these core truths about our relationship with God are put to the test. However, God once again surprised me and showed up very loudly. Yesterday morning my son, Desmond, started fussing. I went over there to pick him up and just at the sight of him my heart was warmed and filled with an insane amount of joy. As his eyes met mine he gave me the biggest smile and let out a happy giggle delighted to be in my presence as well. Then I heard whispered in my ear from my heavenly the Father... "The way you delight in your son is just a small glimpse of how I delight in you. I love you even more than this! I look forward to each morning you wake up so that I may delight in you.That is how I think of you."
Job, I forget how much God delights in us! It's hard to remember that when it feels like He forgot or doesn't hear us in the middle of our troubles. These have been the hardest trials of my life so far and God has promised me joy. I don't know if there will be some big blessing in the end like in your story. God restored your fortunes twice as much as before, you lived a long life, and even got to have more children! I am not anticipating my ending to be quite like yours. But for now, God has given me so much joy every time I look into my son's eyes. I love him more than I could ever explain not because of anything he has done, but simply because he is my son. This reminds me God loves me. I am redeemed by his blood. I will get to be in His presence eternally with people I love. I am also redeemed in this world today which means I can live with joy and freedom even through life's crappiest situations.
So Job may we shout for joy over the Lord's victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God like in Psalms 20:5-6. My banner would say... "REDEMPTION". What would yours say?
Thank you Job for keeping the faith. Thank you for not giving up. And thanks for listening to my story!
Blessings,
Sam
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